Scared of the Awesome

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Do you ever find that when you get so close to something you want so badly and have worked hard for, you suddenly start to PaNiC? And question all your past judgments and reasons for working hard towards this goal?

I do.

Oh, I do.

We are on the cusp of an exciting adventure. The culmination of twenty-nine years of living, loving, and learning to get to this point. Of manifesting what I know in my soul to be my true purpose for living. Of something I think I will pretty darn good at, if I do say so myself.

Except for one little thing.

I
am
terrified.

I am so scared of my life not matching up with my dreamlike expectations. I am so scared of failure. Of misjudging the right time for this or for that. That there will be struggles and hardships and regrets. That I will not be strong enough to survive and will instead become someone I don't want to be. Someone bitter and mean and pessimistic.

But, if I am honest with myself, there's no way I can't leap. No way to not move forward and trust in all God's wisdom that everything will work out in His time. Not in my time. But in His. And it will be glorious and good. Even the parts that are trying on my patience, my need to plan, plan, plan and control, control, control.

It will be good.