#35. Sober Sister Flashbacks

So what's an almost-wife to do when she is left home by herself on a Friday night? I'll tell you what, a whole lotta nothing.

I have been selfishly indulged by my LOML's presence lately and we have done all sorts of fun things like eat at home because I am trying SO VERY HARD on this new diet, go for walks in the rain, buy a new couch, watch Greek episodes (yes, we have just discovered the show and yes, we realize the series finale has already happened), search the internet for a doggie to love...the list goes on and on and on. It does! You get my point.

So, what? We've been lazy pieces of you-know-what lately and I've been LOVING it (bah do ba ba baaaaaah!).  So when LOML decided to return to the real world of friends and basketball and beers and NO GIRLS ALLOWED on Friday night, well, I was at a loss. What exactly did I do before the U+ME=US phase of co-habitation? I mean, surely I did something? Surely?

You see, what this Lenten experiment into the world of non-drinking has taught me is that, on a Friday night, most of my girlfriends are down for a glass bottle of wine (or two). And not wanting to indulge leaves you a bit on the sidelines. So...I'm coming up with my list of things to do while sober (and apparently, alone). Here it goes:

•  You can make yourself a granita (doesn't that sound fancy?). And you don't have to share! And...you can get lazy halfway through and turn that granita into a lovely bowl of strawberries and mango and put the ice back in the freezer and no one will know the wiser. Success!
• You can put the basketball game on mute.  You can stop paying attention, find yourself at halftime, and not worry about what you've missed or feel like your life just flashed before your eyes and the game is only halfway over, oh em gee. You can even unmute during those talking baby commercials and laugh out loud and not be judged for your incredibly caveman-developed sense of humor. And you can watch Kourtney & Kim on DVR when you get bored (shhh!).
• You can make new dance party playlists and pause while doing so to, well, you know, to shake what yo momma gave ya!
• Did I mention not having to share your strawberry-mango-bowl-of-God's-goodness?

It was a great night. Oh, and the laundry got done. But I was really, really glad when LOML came home. Even though I was already asleep because, hey, looking this good don't come easy! Beauty rest and all that.

Aren't we a good-lookin' bunch? I miss you, sister friends!

#34. Well Hello There, Sunshine!

I will not talk about Rebecca Black.
I will not talk about Rebecca Black.
I will not talk about Rebecca Black.
I will not talk about Rebecca Black.
I will not talk about Rebecca Black.

But, oh, have you heard about Rebecca Black? Okay, good, because then I can refrain from expressing my opinion on Rebecca Black! REBECCA BLACK! This world has gone to the dogs or something like that.

And did you know that I could do 31 pushups? 31! THIRTY-ONE! In a row! Exclamation point! I did not know that I was even close to capable of such a feat and oh how it put a little tickle of joy in my heart. And a tickle of pain in my left tricep that may or may not go away by Monday. Say a prayer for me oh please oh please oh please. And pass the paprikash. And I would love to partake in your pecan pie. Pecan piiiiiiiiiiie.

BEST.MOVIE.EVER. THE.END

So in my overdue return to this blog, I am not going to talk about this week's car accident. I am not going to talk about the next day's stolen bike. Nor will I talk about the late late late night of work on a presentation that never ended up happening. Or the torrential downpour that has been all I can see out my window for the last bazillion days. Don't be sad. There are other topics we can discuss!

Like doing a tour on YouTube today and reintroducing myself to Leeroy Jenkins and Charlie and David and Grape Lady. Oh hello, friends. I have missed you. You never cease to make me laugh so hard I cry...seriously. And all we had at work to wipe my tears were compostable napkins. And let me tell you something...those suckers disintegrate for a reason. They are already dead scratchiness. But even their maiming of my eyeballs couldn't take away from my YouTube lovefest 2K11.

And, then, walking home today, I saw the sun. And I sang OUT LOUD here comes the sun (dootin doo doo)! And then it promptly tucked itself behind a cloud never to be seen again. Coincidence? We may never know.

Leeroy, you are just stupid as hell.
At least I have chicken.

#33. Spring Break Trippin'

Today I woke up on time (almost!). To Mr. Awesome's spring break'ing self's delight, I didn't snooze once this morning. Not once! Who's Awesome now?

So let's talk about spring break. It sounds all sorts of fun, right? You think of beaches and lovely tans and maybe maaaaaaybe a corona or two? Just sayin'. Sometimes that break in spring gets craaaaaazy.

But not for the Awesomes in 2011. Nope, not at all. Oh, you want to know what's making this spring break so tame? Well, for starters, I am not on break. I am workin' 9 to 5 and then some. Boo that.

For seconds, it's rainy days in the 'frisco wonderland. Which I don't mind at all. We went on a crazy rain adventure walk this weekend and it was fantastic until the end when my feet didn't feel like walking anymore and we still had SO. FAR. TO. GO. It was a march to the death at the end I tell you and when I got home, I did not feel good even one little bit. (Don't despair; I'm feeling all kinds of better now). But regardless, rain does not conjure up images of a spring break gone right.

And thirdly, can you keep a secret? I'm sorry Mr. Awesome, but I have to share. Please forgive me. My wild partying fiance whom I love so much spent day one of said break.....cleaning the floors in our apartment! I mean, I can't say that I wasn't overcome with delight and renewed remembrance of how much I love him but don't you feel just a little bad for the guy? Just a little?

Well stop yourself right there!!! because we ARE taking a spring break trip believe you me! We are taking a long weekend and going toooooooooooooo.....Sioux City.

I know. Blows your socks right off, huh?

This was seriously a town pride campaign for awhile there. I can't even make stuff like this up. You're welcome.

#32. Every Party has a Pooper

Okay, so there's a little something I'd like to get off my chest. It's not a big something, don't you worry. But I will feel OH SO MUCH BETTER once it's out there.

That something is called the San Francisco Giants. Now, I don't have anything against the men who choose to stand in a diamond in Halloween colors for the better part of each year personally per se....but I

just. 

don't. 

get. 

it. 

Seeeeeeriously. 

It's baseball season AGAIN? What possibly on earth could be more boring? And for such an extended period of time? How many hours will I spend on the freeway this season? How many????

Do you think if I put on my best pouty face they'd move the stadium to, oh I dunno, Mars? What would you give me if I tried?

Love,
anne the party pooper

PS - is it okay for me to still wear my Giants sweatshirt though? I look all kinds of cute in it. Lemme know!

#31. A Good Hair Day Can Only Mean One Thing

How did I know today would be a good, no a great! , day? It took me only 20 mins to do my hair. Twenty! We're talking both drying and straightening this thick curly mane of mine. And yes the straightening job is probably not in the top ten of all time but I am most impressed with myself. I usually can't even get through the blowdrying process that quickly! Hooray for Mondays!

But then, convinced today had something great in store for me, I almost missed the bus. Almost! It shut the door just as I turned the corner but thankfully my winning smile caused that sucker to pop fight back open. Was this another good omen? Or a sign of things turning for the worst?

(PS typing errors are sometimes the BEST. For example, on my Droid right now and things originally came up as thongs. Haha, LOL style and all that jazz. Seriously laughing not only because my sense of humor never evolved beyond the 4th grade - thanks, dad! - but because I also remember showing up to college at USC without any clue that thongs related to lacey underthings and I constantly would shout "almost ready, just let me grab my thongs!" when hunting for some summer footwear of the flipflop persuasion. No wonder I was very not cool my first year! Did my coolness improve in years 2 through 4? One may never know but I did stop using the word thongs in any way shape or form!)

(PPS how do we feel about my sidebars being the longest parts of my stories? Is this wildly entertaining like a choose your own adventure book or obnoxious? Pray tell...!)

So where was I? Oh yes...

Peeling off my coat for fear of dying of heat exhaustion (or the smell of my own sweat from running with two heavy bags to the bus!), I powered up my laptop only to find a little sad orange light blinking at me as if to say, sorry try again later bonehead who didn't charge her computer all night.

So here I am, typing away on my phone, wondering what could this all mean? Good day or bad day? How will I ever decide? Good thing I've got this luscious hair to toss over my shoulders while I ponder.

#30. Delorian Dreams

Lately I have been thinking a lot about what I could have had/been/done in a parallel universe. You know, like one of those movies where if you pick up the phone or don't pick up the phone, your life is forever changed? I am positive that one of those moments (or several!) have happened to me and I just didn't have the fortitude to know (darn you, fortitude! where were you when I needed you? hanging out with common sense, that no good hussy?!?).

Seriously, I know I was supposed to be famous and beautiful and independently wealthy and so on & so forth, but somewhere down the road,  I went a little sideways. Do you ever feel that way? Not, to be exact, that you are going sideways but that somehow you did the wrong thing with the phone? If you are feeling the former, it's time to put down the whisky!

For instance, these are supposed to be the best years of my life, right? I'm supposed to mourn over the loss of this 27-year-old body of mine and wish for it back in years to come - as if!!! Let's be serious; I'm mourning over this sucker now! This 5'2" package is not what I was hoping for when I tried every diet known to man over the last 10 years. And the early onset of wrinkles from work-related stress, let's not even go there.

And what about all the fun you're supposed to be having in your twenties? Going to fabulous parties and "living the life" with your gaggle of girlfriends - I assume they were not talking about my Saturday night curled up in bed watching season 1 of Jersey Shore? Did I really just admit that? Should we end this post here? It's all becoming too much to bear! (Oh, did I mention how dramatic I was? You should know about that before going any further!) But yes, I admit it. Hi my name is Anne and I live vicariously through Snooki & JWoww. I see now that they are not really my friends in my real life. But...I really want the Snooki poof and Jenni's (fake) boobs. C'mon. You do, too!

Seriously, are either of those things real?
courtesy of google image search

But I am really blessed.  You know it and I know it. I have a job, a j-o-b yo! (hahahaha and a REALLY great sense of humor, don't you think?) and the paycheck comes every other Friday without fail. I have a home, a place that I can really call my own (well our own since I have to share it with that Mr. Awesome fellow, but details!), and that I am loving getting to decorate and put my mark on. I have four sisters who used to fight with me like the dickens when we were younger and who I never thought I'd be close to and really just wanted to be far away from and who now I can't live without. I can't. I don't need much of anything if we're honest, but I need them. And I have the sweetest father who loves us so much it almost makes you feel guilty. And my mother who never let us make excuses for ourselves and challenged us to be the best possible and gave us the loving family and home life she never got to really have. And my Boppa who I adore and want to be like in just every way and my Nana who drives me crazy but you can't help but love and my Gram who made me so proud to be a strong woman who takes care of her family NO MATTER WHAT and...the list goes on. I am blessed. It's time to start being grateful - I mean, that's what this blog was supposed to be all about, right?

And who knows? Maybe the phone will ring!